Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
