We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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