Kareoke will never be a sober sport
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just had sex on a roof
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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