you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
