To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
two words: eviction party
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
