how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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