break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
