Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
