i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
