i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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