her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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