Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize