I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
