The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
