THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
