TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
