Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
