Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you never un-have a 4some
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
