i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
