WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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