it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize