I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
