I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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