I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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