There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
