I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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