I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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