Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
