how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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