She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
