It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i think my cat just said my name.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
