I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize