My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
