I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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