Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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