There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
