my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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