i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
