i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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