Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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