This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I need moral support for this bender
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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