i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
