garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
