I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
