pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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