That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He felt like a one man threesome
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
