9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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