wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
