Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
this just has baby written all over it
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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