he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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