Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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