I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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