I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
