Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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