one might say we're banned from that church
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
