I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
