The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
