she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
