I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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