Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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