Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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