the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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