if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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