Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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