i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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