i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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