as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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