I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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