you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
