$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
