If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
