I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
