Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
