Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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